My wife’s old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said “it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue”

Talking about how many children she had “your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I’d get pregnant”

One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”

I have a pretty mild one that I’ve used all my life: “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn’t do what he’d asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn’t really ease the angst of the situation…

“like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” in reference to watching your ass.

this is Lemmy’s finest thread to date

“you look like 5 pounds of shit in a whore’s lunchbox”

I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, “it’s like going around your butthole to get to your elbow” – the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂

“How’re we gonna fuck this pig” is my favorite. Means “how are we going to start this unpleasant task”.

Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!

My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:

“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”

“I gotta piss like a race horse.”

“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”

“The Man on The Moon couldn’t see that!” (Still not sure what this means) “Tighter than a fish’s pussy” (Self-explanatory) “I was no more good” (I was shocked and surprised/amused) “Hand me that ‘little chicken’ over there, would you?” (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)

Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad’s old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain’t seen you in a coon’s age!

“colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra”

My Grandfather- “I’m hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk”

I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao

My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying “I’m so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck”