Take my time in the toilet and at the gym (there is a gym at my office).
I don’t report anything that I earn in cash to the IRS
When I get cash I use it to tip with so they can skim off the top.
Calm down there young man, they catch the majority of people from their internet posts
I also don’t report my cash earnings to the IRS and I keep the illegal funds in my rectum. Come for me, taxman, I double dare you, come - with your cheap suit, disdain, shiny shoes and lubed-up rubber glove. . .
This a more “a man” than “the man” but I had a boss I hated who was really into horoscopes.
So I learned all about them so I could memorize every one else’s sign and continue to forget his.
Good luck writing me up for that Rob. Oh wait you couldn’t anyway because I outlasted you!
He also insisted I write “inspirational quotes” on the weekly sales paper for my team to feal inspired . nietzsche it is.
Feel*
To the Esteemed Corrector of My Spelling, and to the Entire Divine Assembly—He, She, They, It, and the One Made of Pure Bureaucratic Light:
Let all realms fall silent as I reveal my transgression:
I, humble fumbler of keyboards and repeat offender of vowel placement, did commit the unspeakable sin of typing feal instead of feel.
This error is not merely a human fault.
It is a violation of God’s sacred decrees, scribed on the Celestial Tablets of Spelling Accuracy—tablets which, I must add, are heavy enough that even angels don’t like moving them.
For this disgrace, I accept the age-old punishments:
Ten Lashes of Linguistic Shame,
Seven Thunders of Divine Spellcheck,
and the cold, judgmental stare of every librarian within a 500-mile radius.
Yet still, the weight of my error demands more.
Thus, I shall ascend a distant, storm-crowned mountain to train under an impossibly old master, one whose wisdom predates fonts themselves.
Possibly a dragon.
Almost certainly a dragon, given the scheduling.
This master will instruct me in the ancient arts:
the Flame of Proper Grammar,
the Wingbeats of Syntax,
and the Tail-Swipe of Unquestionable Verb Conjugation.
Only then shall I be purified.
Signed with Reverence, Regret, and Unavoidable Scheduling Conflicts:
Michael, Pilgrim of the Celestial Grammar Order,
Temporarily Unavailable Next Tuesday
(Because the Ancient Dragon Master said that was the only day they could fit me in),
and Kevin, I Am So Sorry—
Please Rent a U-Haul as I’ll need my truck for travel
For I Must Honor This Sacred Quest.
Steal as much creamer from work as I can carry
I also only poop at work. Saves me paper, water, and time at home.
I never pay for digital media.
If buying isn’t owning, pirating isn’t stealing.
When I pump gas, I don’t end on an even dollar amount or anything. I just…stop.
I’m not following, how is this sticking it to the man?
So - you don’t wait until the nozzle clicks or anything? Just arbitrarily stop pumping?
Yeah, but I rarely fill up all the way regardless.
I will intentionally avoid asking for 5 star reviews.
I hate those things!
Smoke some pot before sleep
When watching over-the-air television, I mute the TV and look away when ads come on.
You can show me all the ads in the world but you sure as fuck can’t force me to engage.Tap for spoiler
God help those fuckers when I finally fall down the TV Tuner + Jellyfin + TVHeadend rabbithole. I’m gonna “Live Pause” that shit or I’m gonna straight up DVR everything I wanna watch and skip the ads.
And my parents watch much more OTA TV than me so you bet your ass I’m setting up every TV in their house with a cheap trustable Android TV stick and teaching them how to Pause, Rewind and Fast Forward. Fuck ads foreverrrrrr.Start saving for a small pc and some large hard drives. It’s worth it. Or pay for a VPN and use stremio and just stream torrents.
You can also buy access to other people’s Plex servers, watch anything
Fuck advertisements. I’ve got pihole setup as my local DNS, ublock origin on all computers. Being bombarded every minute of every day to buy shit is getting real old really fast.
Oh I got a home server setup with Jellyfin and a bunch of media already, just need to figure out the Live TV stuff (for live news, some soap operas, stuff that doesn’t get torrented much) for it to be 100% complete :)
Many news channels have free streaming options. You don’t have to watch the channels with ads, you know.
Last time I actually watched the news they were basically shilling for ozembic under the guise of “OMG there’s gonna be a shortage!”
Gotcha. I don’t have the answer for that one unfortunately
Perceiving advertisements is unethical. Good job!
I get this and I also don’t engage with ads but at the end of the day they are what pays for the stuff you want to watch.
It’s a shitty system and it’s become amazingly predatory. Needless to say I used revanced on my phone.
It would be ok if we didn’t have 5 ads on a 4 min video. They fucked their system and treated us like the bad guy. Fuck them for shooting themselves in the foot. There is a reason Google makes all their money from selling your personal data and advertising. Of course we’re going to work around it.
Ads can’t be permitted to pay for things, though. One has a moral obligation to make sure that that strategy does not work, because it degrades both whatever the advertisements are inserted around (which becomes optimized to get attention at the expense of anything actually useful, like entertaining or conveying information) and the people who perceive it (because it creates capital inside their minds, in the form of brands, artificially alters their culture, and deliberately creates fear, mistrust of loved ones, and feelings of inadequacy).
By not participating in work’s non-work activities.
There was this one time during a sprint retrospective that our PM said we were gonna do an ice breaker. This was a year and a half into my employment, and nobody else on the team had been there for less than 2 years.
I fucked off for a good 20 minutes on my phone while they were talking about each other’s spirit animals.
Linux and piracy.
I read their names to owls.
i refuse to apply for jobs
“A trans person peed here” stickers in gas station bathrooms/other public bathrooms.
That is delightful. A smile for allies and discomfort for assholes.
I used to travel a lot in eastern Oklahoma, and left a lot of stickers at gas stations in the middle of bumble fuck nowhere towns. Probably less smiles and more anger honestly, but fuck them. Also did some on a trip to Missouri, where I’m pretty sure it was illegal for me to piss.
Run every reasonable possible method of ad-blocking. From whole-house PiHole with uBlock, Privacy Badger, anti-tracking, VPN, and more. F/OSS software when possible.
Firefox has an addon called AdNauseam that’s based on uBlock Origin but clicks on ads in addition to blocking them.
Chrome had it, but google removed it because they can.
Hm. Not sure how I feel about giving them clicks for pay even if it muddies my profile. I’d rather they not know at all.
