Scenario: It’s night, and a man is walking home. He sees ahead there is a woman going in the opposite direction as him. Knowing not to stop or approach her, but his presence makes her nervous. What would help further in this scenario if anything?
I think the classical answer is “tip your hat”.
I usually just say something like “good evening” and continue walking and you immediately see the other person relax.
Just be polite and ignore them, I guess
Does anyone remember that Vine where the guy is filming himself walking at night and says “oh there’s a woman walking alone up there. I better catch up to her and let her know I’m not a threat” as he starts sprinting? Damn vine used to be fun
Rape jokes are so funny
You think that’s a rape joke? The fuck is wrong with you?
The joke is he’s doing the exact opposite of what he should be doing to ease her mind. That’s the joke. Not that he was going to sprint up and assault her. Maybe you need to get off the internet for a while.
Damn, I was kinda hoping you would actually try to answer the questions.
Running fast towards a woman at night in order to scare her is the joke.
What do you think a woman is scared of when a strange man runs at her while she’s alone at night?
What’s the punchline?
You think he was really walking behind someone? He wasn’t. It was a joke. Relax.
What’s the punchline?
Why is it funny to make women scared?
The joke is that his actions would have the opposite outcome to what he desired. He wanted to put her mind at ease, instead he’d scare the shit out of her. End of. I don’t see how I’m having to explain this to you.
What would the woman be scared of when a strange man runs at her at night?
Rape and murder.
It’s a rape joke. Say it with your chest instead of trying to deny that you found a misogynistic joke funny and funny enough to retell it.
Agree, Jimmy Carr absolutely nails them!
Ignore and carry on with your life.
I’m a very large bearded guy with perpetual asshole face. I’ve learned that the best thing to do is whip out my phone and study it assiduously and make sure not even look in her direction while we pass. It works quite well. Everyone who knows me knows that I am definitely not a danger, but I sure as shit look like one.
Its just a jump to your left.
Don’t try to chat up women at night. There is no scenario of a strange man being interested in me while it’s dark that I’ll be receptive to. It’s impossible for your line to be so good I’ll stop seeing you as dangerous.
Ignore her?
People can pick up a lot of information from someone they see walking towards them. They can tell by your gait, your body movements, and facial expressions (if you’re close enough to see them) whether you might be a threat or not. As a man in this situation who has never and will never be a threat to women I think that comes across in subtle ways without having to say a word. And since someone I didn’t know at a party came up to me and said I had the kindest face they’ve ever seen, that also works in my favor. When we finally pass each other I always say hello and smile and keep on walking. And if you do see a woman walking towards you don’t do anything stupid like slow down or stop or walk with your head down with your hands in your pockets.
Take a step or two to the side if able, otherwise just try to get past without eye contact. I worry more about coming up behind them and say good evening to let them know I’m there.
Coming up behind them is the worst. Especially if you’re close. I always wait until there’s a good distance between us before I start walking.
I suggest rubbing your hands together and winking as often as possible while breathing heavily.
Reverse the question and you’ll understand why it can be so depressing to be a man.
What are you getting at? I might be misinterpreting you, but it sounds like you’re implying that it’s not depressing to be a woman in this situation (I.e if we don’t reverse the question)
Why would a woman approach a lone man at night while they’re walking opposite directions?
A simple hello and see how it goes
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Give your best battle scream.
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Run directly into the nearest woods.
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Protect her from nearby bears, particularly aggressive squirrels, other men that are doing a battle scream in the woods, etc.
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Once she is safely past, resume normal activities.
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As a woman, seriously, just give me the bro nod to acknowledge that I exist but am not that interesting to you and keep walking. If you go out of your way to show that you aren’t a threat now I’m thinking you’re a threat, and if you pointedly ignore me now I’m wondering if you are actually far more interested in me than you should be but you want me not to notice.
Brief eye contact while acknowledging that I exist tells me you aren’t afraid of me remembering your face but that you aren’t being weird and staring or trying to hide from me.
I like to have a smile as well. If I give the nod or even a cursory “hello” I try to have my body language say that I in no way expect or need any sort of response or acknowledgement.
I’d go with “Evening” over “Hello”. The latter signals that you’re trying to initiate a conversation, the former is just friendly acknowledgement.
I feel this is exactly what OP and others fear. Trying to optimize the best way to pass someone without being creepy or threatening. It can be maddening. Like, I see your point, but how far down that rabbit hole can we go? It’s exhausting trying to not be weird which is ultimately weird itself.
That’s just generally what I would do when passing someone at night. Polite acknowledgement, keep walking.
Which nod is that, a down nod or an up nod? I’ve always found up nod threatening tbh
Definitely a down nod. An up nod indicates that you want their attention.
See maybe it’s my part of the world, but I’ve always seen guys use an up nod as sort of a “yo, 'sup fellow human” , and a down nod as a “hello there”. The up nod just has a subtly more chill bro feel to it, but either is fine lol.
Now I need to go poll some guys.
For me an up nod is a greeting towards somebody I know, or at least have seen before.
And a down nod is an respectful acknowledgement towards a stranger.
Idk if anyone else reads them that way though…
That’s how I’ve always interpreted and done it.
I think there is a cultural thing around nods. I would definitely not recommend, in this situation, doing a nod that does not feel natural to you, so either do whatever nod you can actually pull off casually, or skip the nod.
There is also a locale specificity… Where I live, people don’t usually nod or otherwise acknowledge strangers on the street. Some places you might be expected to smile and nod or even say hi.
In thia context i would interpret it as “Hey, it’s pretty dark out here. Wanna buy drugs?”
Or just summoning someone to come over to you
TIL i’ve had it backwards all this time. oh well, guess i’ll just add it to the mountain of “basic aspects of basic human interaction that i will now be overthinking on manual mode for the rest of my life” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s not universal.
I have always read it as down nod is for acknowledging someone you don’t know/ know very well, and up nod is for people you know. The idea being you nod down to cover your vital neck while also making eye contact, in a sorta “I see/I am watching you if you try something”. Up nod reveals the neck, showing trust and comfortability.
Shit, now I’m self conscious about my nod reflexively being an up nod!
I just find the up-nod extremely douchy in any circumstance
I’m feeling extremely vindicated! I hate it, and I dislike in general the idea that men “nod at each other to say hello”
Let’s see: “Sup? Let’s fight” vs “Hello”…
Bro nod and a howdy or evenin’ are what I usually go with. I am usually walking with my husband though (we are both dudes) and my guy is scary-looking so if someone (man, woman or other) crosses to avoid us I fully understand and respect the situational awareness.
Just don’t be weird man, that’s all you gotta do.
“Just don’t be weird” is exactly the kind of thought that’d cause me to come off as weird. Suddenly every detail of what I do is manual and scrutinized by myself.
I live in a city, just do the same thing I do when walking past literally anyone - leave a few feet of space, eyes forward, ignore.
starts thinking so hard that my arms stop swaying
Forgot how feet work
At least she’ll have a funny story about the creepy guy muttering “right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot” that she passed.
To tell you something that actually helps:
Keep your hands in view. Fidget a bit if you want.
If you’re walking towards her, take a glance at her from about I’d say 5-10 meters away.
Walk a clear path. Pick a lane so she can pick hers to pass you.
Think of something else for a second. Look at a car, building, cloud.
Hit a street sign. You’ll make her laugh, she’ll feel 100% safe then.
In all seriousness now that should let her know you don’t have any dangerous objects in your hand, she’ll know you acknowledged her presence, and she’ll see you’re not 100% focused on her. That’s kinda all a girl needs to not be weirded out.
:-)
Thank you. I’m legitimately curious how to ease tensions some in such a situation. Was hoping this would be taken a bit more seriously but apparently not many did.
Yea it’s hard to comprehend for normal people that “act natural” doesn’t help someone like me an you, because “natural” isn’t the norm in my case at least…
Social anxiety, potential neuro-diverget I don’t have a “normal” to base things on like some people do I agree. As well not every person is the same so some I imagine would be fine me just casually saying hello and acknowledging they exist while others want me to just walk on.
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Are you serious? I’m genuinely asking
Yea
Idk where I first heard these, I think they were separate though.
Afaik the hands thing is especially good.
When do I hand her the note with large crayon letters misspelling “It’s OK, I’m not weyrd or annything!”, though? Using colorful and friendly letters, of course.
Man, that advice helped me a few years ago. Idk. It wasn’t a massive difference but some people told me I act more natural, so I think it worked?
I used to be very awkward and pretty much every girl my age would avoid being close to me. Now that is not an issue anymore. Idk if that helped or other changes I made, or both…
It’s like a malfunction in autopilot. Suddenly you have to take over the controls and it is painfully obvious.
But I was born weird!
