I’m throwing a big friggin party

Drink lots of water, be patient and don’t trust that it isn’t going to kick in and you should take more

Their bathrooms are so clean you can eat Beaver Nuggets off the floor. Wait, those aren’t beaver nuggets?

Seriously though their bathrooms are incredibly clean and they have artwork displayed in them.

😂

That’s the joke (and why I said I was ‘measuring’ them) - I was making fun of myself for being wrong while also doubling down on the fact that they’re garbage pedos. It’s a win-win. Sorry, my sense of humor isn’t always the most apparent.

They are so unified in the fact that they are all lower than garbage that I’ve started measuring them by the gallon rather than the person.

And you would have less pedophiles

Los Locos kick your ass,

Los Locos kick your face,

Los Locos kick your balls into OUTER SPACE!!!

It’s always found in the last place you look

There once was a man from Lagrasse

And his name was Hugh Joseph Ass

He sat on a chair, occupied by a bear

And it vanished into the crevasse

I’m sure this is not an exhaustive answer, but a father figure (to me) is someone who helps teach someone young the right and wrong way to do things, being there as a safe space for people to ask questions, and being able to divorce the idea of roughness or harshness that comes with being a man in general when someone needs you to comfort, console, or show them support and love.

A father figure is “always in your corner” and is always there to challenge you and cheer you on.

It carries with you a skill of being able to talk someone off a proverbial ledge - when your kid feels like it’s the end of the world when they failed or got embarrassed or rejected, illustrating for them that life will carry on and “this too, shall pass”.

I think all of this is wrapped up into a “father figure”. The sad thing is that father figures need love too, and being a father without one of your own can be a very lonely place to live.

To be clear though, you don’t have to be a father to be a father figure - however some of what molds a father into this role are the many situations we get thrust into it early on when you have kids as you shepherd them through life. You could certainly do the same thing by volunteering or doing Big Brother, etc.

My two cents anyway!

There are definitely deadbeat dads also that shouldn’t be, to your point. It’s super easy to father a child but not so much to be a good dad - it takes a lot of work and sacrifice to do it well.

You’re not fat, you’re just festively plump!

Mmmmmmmmmm beefy!

Feel free to combine words in here for maximum effect. A nice “FASCIST CUNT!” or “DONALD TRUMP! / CHILD RAPIST” would maybe fit better for a stubbed toe than just FASCIST.