Nah, my Catholic extended family always had a jug of Carlo Rossi (garbage wine sold in gallon jugs, for those lucky enough to be unfamiliar) at every family gathering. No one was ever worried about there being kids. Evangelicals are just lame.

My mom and I have talked about that kind of thing and she knows to call me directly if someone ever tries to say something happened to me. She’s not stupid, but maybe just not growing up with people constantly trying to scam her at every turn hasn’t prepared her for the depths these assholes will sink to, and they’ve gotten so much more sophisticated.

I keep kind of hoping I get this one. I’m ace, so I definitely haven’t been watching porn of any kind, and my house has changed dramatically since the last time google came by, so it would just be entertaining. But then I see people on nextdoor all freaked out that “someone has pictures of their house,” and it makes me wish for a large, extremely targeted sinkhole to open up under all these scammers.

I’m a mosque. The loud noise is usually, “damn it!” when I do something incredibly graceful, like walk into a wall or accidentally throw my phone across the room.

That’s what I tried to do, and that’s when it said to submit evidence. I was like, “uh, the evidence is that I was there when it happened and you can see from the profile that it’s for a DOG,” and they said that wasn’t good enough. I just gave up. Her profile will outlast all of us, probably.

This is actually a thing I’ve experienced. The dog has been dead for 4 years. Obviously, I’m friends with my dog, so it reminds me of her birthday (couple days ago) and then I remember that this account exists and they won’t let me delete it. I tried to report her as deceased and it wanted an obituary.

Man, my mom’s a boomer. She’s been on the property ladder since her mid-20s. My parents paid the current house off before my dad died a couple of years ago. Rent. Pfft. I also pay her $1200 a month, I’m not here for free.

Living at home with his mama is also not a big deal, because I live at home with my mama, too. Who the hell can afford rent?

And I want whoever came up with this idea to spontaneously combust, but neither of us is going to get what we want.

No one wants that. Especially me.

I just ended up with what was on top of the pile, sadly.

I’m trying to get dressed right now (obviously not very hard) and that’s where I’m at. I need to leave for work in like 10 minutes and everything I own is terrible.

Everyone I know turned 30 and immediately turned to dust from their advanced age. So sad. Also, really messy.

Me too. It’s easier to just stay on a schedule rather than ruin Monday (and sometimes Tuesday) by changing when I sleep on the weekends. Plus, my dog is also on a schedule and starts looking for snuggles at about 6.

God, I had such a crush on Casey Jones from the live action movie. Tbh, my dumb ass probably would’ve hired him like this, too.

I’m not sure - we went to the grocery store in the residential area. We always do. It’s just expensive to ship anything, so islands are always really pricey.

God, the ants in Turks & Caicos were a nightmare, and food is crazy expensive. People who live there must have all their shit locked down or they’d be broke in a week. I always say I want to live somewhere tropical, but that had me rethinking some things.

I mean, I’m fine with it? There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s a lot wrong with being with a guy with a comment history like yours.

You guys ever see a horse eat a baby chick? I have. The only thing surprising about this is that he wasn’t eating the pigeons.

Oh absolutely not. No thank you. The world at large has my permission to smother me with a pillow if I hit 90 and don’t die. But it’s fine, I’m sure the microplastics/ultraprocessed food/climate change/whatever will take me out before that.