I’m a guy who has been dating a woman for several months. She is self-employed and I swear about 20% of our conversations is her explaining all the things she has to do every day that may prevent her from being able to commit to seeing me. She swears she just got backed up on things and she’ll become more available, but I see her inventory continuing to grow, not shrink. She is also constantly supervising people on a variety of house projects (mutual disinterest in me getting involved there).

So I decided to ask the internet (DuckDuckGo (DDG) specifically): Am I dating a workaholic? What I found surprised me. I imagined I’d find a bunch of stupid little Cosmo-style quizzes, with the understanding that the reader would find out they were dating an workaholic and leave the relationship. Instead what I found was article after article after article with titles like,

  • How to Date a Workaholic: 8 Steps (with Pictures)
  • Dating a Workaholic (13 Tips to Make It Work)
  • 12 Tips to Cope when Dating a Workaholic

The internet is assuming I WANT to date a workaholic.

Contrast that with results to the question Am I dating someone emotionally unavailable? DDG more straightforwardly answer the question (“17 Signs Someone is Emotionally Unavailable”) with a sprinkling of advice for how to cope.

I see workaholism as basically identical to emotional unavailability, but obviously it’s treated differently by society (maybe because it comes with money and home repairs?). So what is going on? Would you date a workaholic?

  • WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today
    1·
    12 days ago

    If I wanted to be a showpiece for business “parties,” & not have to work, sure. If you’re playing second fiddle now at the start of the relationship where things are supposed to be quickly working towards their most hot & heavy before leveling out to a more regular pace, then there’s little reason to believe you will ever become a top priority. Whether you continue depends entirely upon what you want from the relationship. If you’re not getting anything close to it now, you likely never will.

    • schipelblorp@sh.itjust.worksOP
      4·
      12 days ago

      My plan is just to ignore her until she says she’s on her way over. We’ve talked about it, and she just keeps insisting it’s temporary. Now I’m working nights and she chooses to do most of her work during the day, so this might be the end. She was just tucking me into the end of the day as an afterthought as it was.

      • AskewLord@piefed.socialEnglish
        2·
        12 days ago

        It’s not temporary. It’s only going to get worse as time goes on and they feel less and less need to impress/prioritize you. She is front loading this so much because she’s trying to make a get out of jail free card, when things get worse and you confront her about it months down the line.

        You’re obviously not happy with this dude. Otherwise you would not looking this stuff up on google, you’d be rolling with it like it’s not a big deal.