I was just sitting at the mall taking a break from mall walking. A man walked over to me when I wasn’t even looking up. He said "I haven’t seen you here before. " I said I wasn’t really here to talk to people and got up and walked away. He said he would leave, he may even have said sorry. I said I was ready to leave anyway. In retrospect I think he may have just been slightly mentally challenged so I wish I had been a little softer, he did not turn out to be aggressive. Looking for suggestions on something still clear and firm but more polite? This scared me for some reason, I think how fast he walked up and sat down near me.
Editing to add a key detail, he sat down close to me which is probably what made me more nervous than I would have otherwise been. I appreciate all the thoughtful feedback I’ve gotten and interesting discussion.
Unfortunately, apologizing in that way is another tactic that some men use to try to trick you into engagement.
He might have been manipulating you. Fear was the proper response.
/ am a man
// have met men who do that
/// I avoid them, too
Men try to trick you into engagement?
Trick you into what? Having a conversation?
If she wasn’t comfortable nothing says she has to stay(she’s free to leave), but what was he trying to trick her into?
Meanwhile women post videos asking “why can’t I find a date? Why won’t anyone say hi”.
I think you know perfectly well what women fear from men. That’s not to say it was necessarily the intention of this person to have anything nefarious happen.
Strawman. OP didn’t, and she’s the person we’re currently discussing.
You may be discussing OP, but the person you’re replying to appears to be discussing the general application of your advice. This is a reasonable and minor expansion of the scope of the conversation.
I can’t believe “andrewta” (wonder what that would spell with two letters added) is minimizing the fears of women who have random men approach them!
Yes. Some people, including women but more often men, will initiate a conversation in a way that puts the other person on the defense which prompts additional interaction. While saying “I haven’t seen you here before” could be an icebreaker while pushing buttons on an elevator at an apartment building saying it after rushing up and sitting down next to someone who is looking down is basically invading someone’s personal space when they weren’t ready and comes across as pressuring for a reaction.
I had the same thought at first until the last sentence that said how quickly he approached and sat down. If he came in slower, asked to sit next to her, and if she said yes he said the same thing it would be completely different. I’m a dude and I wouldn’t want someone rushing to sit down next to me and start a conversation when I was looking down at something.
Or, you know, he might have just been friendly and awkward.
BE AFRAID OF EVERYTHING NEVER ENGAGE NEVER CURIOUSLY FOLLOW A SOCIAL THREAD NEVER OBSERVE OR BE OBSERVED OR TALK OR RESPOND NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE
Wow that’s really good advice, thank you!
Fascinating how I’m getting just as many upvotes as downvotes.
Keep on down-voting me! Downvotes are public - and you are outing yourself as part of the problem.
As we all know, it is impossible for two reasonable people to disagree
Oh and blatantly judging men is somehow not part of the problem? Sure buddy.
I simply don’t like they way you categorize people based on gender. You are part of the shit gender wars. Most stupid thing ever to do and just a waste of air.
If men don’t want to be judged, then don’t approach a woman who clearly doesn’t want to talk and insist on talking anyway despite her discomfort.
For the record, the deleted comment was thanking that person for outing themselves as part of the problem. For some reason, it got removed due to Rule 7.
There was no mockery. It is seriously useful to all the women on Lemmy to know when somebody is toxic toward women.
Removed by mod
Thanks for misgendering me, misandrist.
You’re welcome!
I hope one day you can learn from this and become a better person.
Removed by mod
You do you.
Wait, are you trying to bait me into arguing? lol
Is that what you expected? To troll around just so you can spread around hate? Nah man, not giving you that much attention. Additionally, there is no reason to argue with close minded people. 2026 and there are still people hating on gender lmao